Welcoming Back A Brother: A Teaching From Philemon
Some moments replay in our heads all the time. Nearly everyone has a story about a time they misspoke or felt awkward that they've thought of dozens of times since that exchange. The ironic thing is that the more we think on those moments, the less we resolve them and the more awkward they become to us. Rather than that analysis leading to resolution, it turns into self-condemnation.
The same can be true when we remember moments when other people hurt us. Lingering on a past hurt has the strange effect of making the hurt even more painful. This is exactly the issue the book of Philemon helps to solve in the form of an example. Paul writes this short, often overlooked, letter to Philemon to talk through the need for forgiveness and letting go of the memory. The book of Philemon forces us to confront areas of bitterness that may live in our hearts.
1. Providing Background (v.1-3)
Whenever a book needs to have some background explanation given, there are two main ways of providing it. First, you can get the background out of the way before you jump into the text. This may help your audience learn to see each verse in context while letting your message flow more smoothly. The second way of providing context is packing it into your first couple verses. This can help connect the context to the passage itself and lets your introduction focus only on why people should listen to the message. Normally, I opt for the second way of providing background context which is why verses 1 through 3 in my outline are all about providing the background.
The main context to give is the issue that arose between Philemon and Onesimus that provided the motive for Paul to write this letter. To put it simply, Onesimus was a slave belonging to Philemon and left his master, most likely while stealing some of his possessions. Philemon, who likely hosted the church of Colossi in his home, took this as a breach in their relationship and wrote off Onesimus from that point on. Paul writes this letter to try to restore fellowship between two believers and maintain the unity that should mark the family of God.
Giving this context can be scary as it demands that we cover one of the topics normally cited against the Bible. Diving into the issue of slavery and the Bible is intimidating, but there are good answers to give to skeptics. First, slavery in the time of the Bible looked much more like indentured servitude than American slavery in the south. This is not to say it was a good institution but is to separate it from the horrors we rightful associate with southern slavery. Second, there is a difference between acknowledging something that happened in your time period and approving of that thing. If you were to write a letter to someone addicted to opioids, it would be wrong to assume years later that your letter was proof that you approved of the current opioid epidemic. Paul writes about a slave, not about slavery. Which leads to the third point; this letter is about two people, not the institution of slavery. Paul's concern is the relationship between Philemon and Onesimus. As we preach this passage, that should be our concern as well.
2. What Fellowship Should Be (v.4-7)
With our context in view, Paul begins with a quick prayer that highlights the joys that should accompany real Christian fellowship. In this prayer, Paul associates love for and faith in God with love displayed and faithfulness towards fellow believers. While Paul does not teach us that good deeds save us, he does present what should be a natural connection between loving God and loving his people. I firmly believe that it is only belief that saves a person, but it also seems clear that belief should translate into a real love for others. At the very least, if we don't see that connection in our lives, it should give us cause for concern. As N.T. Wright once said, "It is no use preaching grand-sounding theory if it cannot be put into practice when it is needed."
Putting faith into practice is precisely what Paul intends when he talks about the sharing of our faith becoming effective. This sharing is not purely evangelistic, it is believers helping each other work into their lives the ethics and practices that come from following Jesus. One of the greatest joys God offers to his people is the church, the community of people that bring joy and support to us as we aim to grow more into the image of Jesus. The beauty of this kind of fellowship is why Paul would even bother writing to two people that are at odds with one another. When division settles into the church, it cuts us off from the kind of growth God desires for his people.
3. Joyful Restoration (v.8-14)
Paul now dives into the heart of the matter, first by assuring Philemon that no rigid command is about to come. Before Paul launches into his plea for reconciliation, he touches on one of the core values of meaning fellowship: it must be voluntary. No apology is meaningful when it's forced, no compliment matters when it's fake, and no fellowship provides benefit unless it comes from the heart. For Philemon to truly welcome back Onesimus, it must come from his own will.
The beautiful part about Paul's appeal is the way he identifies himself with Onesimus. Onesimus was more than just "some believer" to Paul, he was both a brother and a son. For believers in Jesus, other Christians are not just people who agree with us on one thing, they are our family. That kind of relationship should never be overlooked. Beyond the identification, Paul looks at Onesimus as a believer to show the real heart change that occurred since hurting Philemon. Paul even writes that while Philemon lost a servant, he now had the chance to gain back a brother. Surely, this would have been hard for Philemon to believe, but when we hold onto the thought that God can't change people, we undermine the power of the Holy Spirit and keep ourselves isolated from people God is working in powerfully.
In thinking through this letter, the main question to ask ourselves is if we are acting like Philemon to anyone. Perhaps there's someone in your life who has wronged you in some way that you've cut off because of it. Maybe it's time to welcome your Onesimus back. Bitterness never actually hurts the people we're mad at, it only winds up hurting us. Forgiveness never happens naturally. It always begins with someone taking the step to begin the process of reconciliation. This isn't to say that forgiveness is easy, but this passage asks us all to welcome back brothers and sisters who have hurt us so we can maintain the unity Jesus died to create.