Life of David Part 4: 1 Samuel 20
This Life of David series outlines my study for my current Sunday morning series for the middle school youth group I lead. This writing series will show how I broke down each chapter and what general points I used in teaching this to middle schoolers. Hopefully, it will help you in teaching something on the life of David.
C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." A good friend can be the difference between a situation being unbearable or a growing experience. People place great emphasis on friendship, and yet most friendships seem to happen randomly. The Bible lays out incredible principles on friendship in the story of David and Jonathan.
To be fair, we see the friendship of David and Jonathan come up many times throughout 1 Samuel. In my teaching of this book, however, many smaller moments that teach on friendship are getting skipped over for the sake of going through the Life of David relatively quickly. To that end, this chapter is being used as a deep dive into friendship.
1. Friends Work Through Problems Together (v. 1-23)
The chapter picks up with David on the run and looking for help. He goes back to faithful Jonathan to vent his frustration at his plight. Normally, we think of friends as those with whom we enjoy life. While that is an aspect of a healthy friendship, the people we really come to rely on are those who stay with us in difficulty. Anyone will tag along to a concert when you have a free ticket; not everyone will drop everything for you after a breakup or help you move. Jonathan was the friend who would do all of that for David.
The central drama of the passage is David's (well-founded) fear that Saul is out to kill him. While Jonathan should naturally be on the side of his father, he joins David on the side of righteousness, vowing to tell David any information he learns from his father. We can see how nervous David really is about the situation by the fact that he asks Jonathan to make a covenant with him. Jonathan helps David formulate a plan to find out how angry Saul really is, a plan that involved David missing a ceremonial meal in order to watch Saul's reaction. This leads to Jonathan's second great moment of friendship.
2. Friends Stand Up For Each Other (v. 24-34)
The plan goes into action and David misses the first night of the festival. Saul gives nothing more than a passing thought to David not being there but has a stronger reaction the second night. When Jonathan speaks up saying he permitted David's absence, Saul is outraged and shames Jonathan publicly.
I cannot say with certainty what I would have done in this moment, but I can say I would have been horrified. Jonathan certainly knew that troubling spirits came upon Saul, that he was prone to irrational anger, and that there was murderous potential within Saul. Confronting Saul's rationale about wanting to kill David would have been low on my priority list. That, however, is exactly what Jonathan does, defending David's life by questioning the reasons over which Saul wants him dead.
Here, two wonderful elements of Jonathan's character are revealed. First, Jonathan was willing to encounter danger on behalf of his friend. We should not try to test our friends in this, but a good friend is willing to stick their neck out for us. Jonathan ran head long into trouble as he became the new target in Saul's spear-throwing habit. Secondly, Jonathan focused on what was right. Earlier, David asked Jonathan to point out if he had done something to deserve Saul's wrath. I have no doubt Jonathan would have. A good friend does not blindly take your side, they point you towards the truth. In this case, Jonathan does just that and learns the news David feared. This leads to Jonathan's third great moment of friendship.
3. Friends Stick Together When It's Tough (v. 35-42)
With Saul's anger fresh in mind, Jonathan goes out to tell David the news. He does that through a signal system they set up earlier in the chapter and faces his saddened friend. Surely, this was not a great moment for Jonathan. As much as David was receiving the painful news about his own fate, Jonathan was hurt by it as well. Good friendships are built on compassion, an ability to celebrate the others victories as your own and be crushed by their defeats as your own.
Jonathan does not just turn into a cry buddy; he points David back towards the truth. Jonathan's closing reminder in the chapter is that God will be faithful to David. This humble confession can seem like a cheap effort to comfort David, but it goes beyond that. A good friend will not try to be your entire world. No one can effectively be that for you but Jesus, and a helpful friend will remind you of that.
There is a great temptation in this chapter to only use it to evaluate your friends and not where you stand as a friend. While I look at it and think I want someone to be Jonathan for me, I need to ask if I am being Jonathan for anyone else. Selfishness in friendship creates disasters, but when we look to be the friend that shows God's faithfulness, wonderful relationship grow.